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On the Vanquishing of Loneliness

February 28, 2011

“Between the click of the light and the start of the dream.” ~ Arcade Fire Neon Bible

Where do you go in that brief span of time, those twenty minutes to an hour between the settling in of the long night and the plunge into the the unconscious?

I know where I used to go.  I was well acquainted with the dizzying loneliness that would haunt me with its cardiac violence.  All that was there was me and the vast emptiness that I could not name.  It stung like frost bite.

Tonight I will crawl into sheets that I have owned for the better part of five years and turn towards a woman.  I will curl up next to her and laugh about our two man-children asleep in the room down the hall.  We will talk about our dreams only until our brain chemistry catches up and we, well me first, will turn away (I can’t sleep facing my her) and begin the rapid descent into the netherworld of my own psyche.

What used to be the most searingly painful time in my day has dramatically shifted.  In my final moments before what the ancients would call the “little death” my mind wanders in blissful companionship.  I am not alone.

My nights with Anjuli anticipate daily a companionship far deeper than she can offer.

Loneliness is conquered by Love.

Ephesians 5:32

One Comment leave one →
  1. February 28, 2011 10:46 pm

    dear sam. i will love you forever. me.

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